With What Meaning

As any intellectual individual who has have ever pondered the meaning of life will tell you there are times when it all seems meaningless. Even the wisest intellectual to ever live- Solomon the King of Israel (yes that Solomom) spent years of his life attempting to derive meaning from his existence. Finding that it is “Vanity of vanities. All is vanity.” Ecc. (1:2) And a “striving after the wind” Ecc. (1:14) Now I don’t claim to be as wise as Solomon, a ludicrous idea, however upon my own reflective reasoning I find myself in an equally morbid state of mind as that to which I logically attribute to the former scholar. That state of mind being one that causes me to look around at everything I see and wonder… Why? Why bother with it all? I get up, go to work, go to school, go to sleep, and do it all over again. I find trivial amusements to occupy the minutia of freetime that remains to me after cramming every possible second of existence with activities to distract my attention from the eternal mundanity that is life. But in moments such as this where I find myself in a philosophical and contemplative sort of mind I can’t help but question the reasons. If that is all there is to it. If all there is to existence is simply existence what is the point of existing? Why do we frown upon suicide, and denounce hatred and murders? Why don’t we just fold our hands and cry over the horrible position we find ourselves in? Where to live is life for the sake of life and to die is nothing more or less than simply dying? Why should anyone care about anything if there is no meaning to anything anyway

As these thoughts ebb through the recesses of my consciousness I hope my jotting them down will strike a chord in your own mind and get you to ponder as well. I won’t attempt to persuade you of where I fall in this for I believe we are discussing matters if truth. And truth cares not for persuasion but stands upon its own and absolute. It is noteworthy however to observe the fact that I still continue to write this proves that I believe there to be meaning in what I write. But if there is meaning in something as trivial as this blog post then isn’t it safe to say that there is meaning in life? If so what is that meaning?

Think deeply friends for our existence dwells here and eternity hangs in the balance.

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At Last

It happened without fanfare

No music drifted through the air

I realized without remark

Close on the heels of a weary heart

With bitterness fading away

I thought that I would be okay

Until what moved and took its place

Was the result of battles waged

Which till this moment I had won

Or at the least had held my own

But without crying, without tears

Without love, or borrowed fears

The one who always stood so strong

At last fell before the throng.

And final cognizant reflections 

Realize climactic sentences

Do not preceded the paeons cry

But merely follow his sad life

And I that troubled paeon be

For life at last has broken me.

Once…

I once had a song that I loved to sing

I once had a story that was compelling

I used to amuse myself with my rhymes

But the laughter is gone from my rhythmic lines

I once dreamed up futures of glorious deeds

I once held true love in the highest esteem

Before I am gone I’ll look back on my deeds

And wonder if any will ever miss me

More likely than not I will just fade away

Forgotten as soon as I’m laid in the grave.

If Only…

If only…
The start of a most tragic thought through all of humankind
To ponder possibilities of what could come behind
Some desired course of action. Some decision so sublime
Observes no answer for repeated questionings in mind
But simply cycles downward in a whirlpool of the time.

If only I had not done that
If only I were there
If only life were not so tragic, weary, and unfair
If only I could fly away
If only I could flee
If only… With such words as these we grovel and we plea.

If only…
What thoughtless hopeless despondence queries as these depict
When lowly mortals seek to sort all of natures rhyme and writ
It leaves them hopeless. Barely coping- The temerity of it!

If only…
Take these useless words away
That I be not obliged to say
Ever again within my speech
What I was once fooled to believe.

Write them off or discard me
For I have naught that you should need
But save me from those cursed words
And take from me that bitter scourge

If only…
What fiendish mind begat those words?
What thought had he but his own hurt?

There is no ‘if only’ to be had
What you’re given is what you have
Not more not less and if you feel
that probity might somehow seal
a future more desirable
I tip my hat to your pure soul
For you have not yet learned the woes
that life displays when it implodes
then suffocates you with its lies
to crush the innocence you prize.

If only…
Ah quite useless it
But still provocative the rift
That forms within your mind amidst
The echoes that these words emit
To taunt like cold fingertips
Daring you to not forget.

If only…
Not again I say
‘If only’ never comes to stay.