I’ve wondered as I’ve wandered all over this barren land
If somehow I’ve missed the grandeur that before offered her hand.
I’ve wondered if the roads I’ve taken have all been for naught
And questioned if I should have taken roads that I did not.
I’ve travelled all around this place searching for something more
But now I wonder if it all was right in front of me before.
Did I but leave a trail of tears and heartache in my wake
Just to circumnavigate some place I wished escape?
Did I choose all the battles fought and wars already won
In efforts solely to detract from thoughts of being shunned?
Indeed, I’ve wondered as I’ve wandered all throughout this weary land
And sought for answers to the questions that my mind commands.
But even as these choices bring remembrance to what’s past
They hold no promise that their verity assuredly was cast.
For many are the paths of youth that lead to darkening ways
But were mine any better than those of such marked disdain?
Alas I’ve wondered and I’ve wandered but my soul will never rest–
Searching for these answers and a place to rest it’s head.
This is the road I walk
Doing everything I can do
This is the path I run
Trying to get to you.
– – – – –
These are the choices I’ve made
Always following through
Searching for the brightest way
Leading me on to you
– – – – –
But now there’s a fork ahead
A direction I must choose
One to the right, one left
I don’t know which leads to you.
Traditions held from former days
Lost in isolation’s gaze
Hold a reminiscent place
Even as allegiance sways.
– – – – –
Token mem’ries oft emit
Tranquil thoughts from former gifts
Granted from ignorant bliss
Left behind but ever missed.
– – – – –
Now as time and habits take
Their toll on this pilgrims way
Still roads to the future’s paved
With the choices of today.
Beyond the doors of choices made
Those which haunt us through our days
All of laughter fades away
As the tears of yesterday
Spring anew and bloom again
Like those untimely deeds of men
Lacking consequence are splayed;
Life in fullness is disdained.
– – – – – –
The tragedy is all remain
Bound by cords made of the same
Decisions past those of today
Even so while passing blame
For what was done before the chains
And all the choices never made;
As an Adam, Eve they blame
Ignorance their sole refrain.
It’s only when we reach the end
Of all that’s known will we begin
To press into that vast expanse
Of life beyond our present breath
And turn our eyes to future’s new
And welcome thoughts and dreams into
Our lives which once before were stale
Vapid from some windless gale
Of absolute monotony
Our hearts yearning to find reprieve
Our minds wishing for something more-
But fearing we won’t open doors
To where we’ve never gone before.
The start of a most tragic thought through all of humankind
To ponder possibilities of what could come behind
Some desired course of action. Some decision so sublime
Observes no answer for repeated questionings in mind
But simply cycles downward in a whirlpool of the time.
If only I had not done that
If only I were there
If only life were not so tragic, weary, and unfair
If only I could fly away
If only I could flee
If only… With such words as these we grovel and we plea.
What thoughtless hopeless despondence queries as these depict
When lowly mortals seek to sort all of natures rhyme and writ
It leaves them hopeless. Barely coping- The temerity of it!
Take these useless words away
That I be not obliged to say
Ever again within my speech
What I was once fooled to believe.
Write them off or discard me
For I have naught that you should need
But save me from those cursed words
And take from me that bitter scourge
What fiendish mind begat those words?
What thought had he but his own hurt?
There is no ‘if only’ to be had
What you’re given is what you have
Not more not less and if you feel
that probity might somehow seal
a future more desirable
I tip my hat to your pure soul
For you have not yet learned the woes
that life displays when it implodes
then suffocates you with its lies
to crush the innocence you prize.
Ah quite useless it
But still provocative the rift
That forms within your mind amidst
The echoes that these words emit
To taunt like cold fingertips
Daring you to not forget.
Not again I say
‘If only’ never comes to stay.
“Before this last time that I leave
take I beg of you this key.
For it alone can free my heart
which I have kept quite set apart
within a stronghold so secure
might and force cannot procure.
Take and hold it here for me
until someone who is worthy
should venture in to claim its prize
releasing then this heart of mine.”
With that she placed that silver key
into the hand of Him unseen.