I Loved You

I smiled oh so sweetly as you tried to lead me on

You said that it was over ‘tween you and that “awful one”

I gave you such a sincere nod you never caught the glint

Behind my eyes that betrayed just how much to me you meant.

– – – – –

But I knew even as you spoke that it was over now

And I lied as I told you that “sometime” I’d be around.

I’m far too good at moving past my broken hearts and dreams.

I’m far too careful with my thoughts to strip away the scene

– – – – –

And let you witness how inside these masquerading games

Is a boy who loved a girl but would not tempt the fates.

It’s tragic, in my subtlety, you’ll never know I cared

I’ll hide my feelings deep inside a world built on despair

– – – – –

But cloaked, ubiquitously, smiles hide all of my pain

You’d think I owned the world instead of falling every day.

It hurts to think that I had loved a woman such as you

Only to have you turn away and prove what I once knew;

– – – – –

I’m destined to live life alone I’ll move on once again

For I’m too good at crushing feelings that have all but fled.

When strangest fires kindle ‘neath a hearth in broken glow–

There truly is no verity in seeds unwitting sowed.

– – – – –

Alas, though, I have wasted thoughts in ranks again today

For you’ll not read this, you’ll not care, you do not know my name

Is hid behind a cloak of meaning lost in words displayed

Telling you “I’ll weep for you” when you just turn away.

– – – – –

But one last effort I’ll admit gives place to my own fears

Listen to this heart that yearns to keep you closer here.

Ah, but silence is the only reply to my ears

And I will live in solitude; comforted by my tears.

– – – – –

R.A

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My Folly

You thought I cried for you when my eyes closed from the tears
And laughing you found someone new- I could never keep you here.

But in reality- I thought that you should know
those tears I cried were meant for me- I cry them all alone

For I knew in my heart somehow that you would never stay
but still I fooled myself to think that I could find a way

But in that laughing moment as I watched you walk away
Those tears were o’er my folly letting you my heart invade.

 

At Last

It happened without fanfare

No music drifted through the air

I realized without remark

Close on the heels of a weary heart

With bitterness fading away

I thought that I would be okay

Until what moved and took its place

Was the result of battles waged

Which till this moment I had won

Or at the least had held my own

But without crying, without tears

Without love, or borrowed fears

The one who always stood so strong

At last fell before the throng.

And final cognizant reflections 

Realize climactic sentences

Do not preceded the paeons cry

But merely follow his sad life

And I that troubled paeon be

For life at last has broken me.

In Despair

Remember when the darkness comes

And I’m no longer there

That you were one who withheld hope

When I was in despair

I wish not equivocity

But rather love is shared

Alas though we’ll not strive again

We’re cursed within this glare.

A fabled mystic long ago

Once spoke a solemn prayer

But quickly you’ve forgot it

And settled for pious heirs

Clinging to vestiges of hopes

So laden down with fears

You’ve lost the heart and mind to fight

As poisoned by the air.

So breath it in and breath it out

Pretend you’re unaware

Of who it was offered no hope

When I was in despair.